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Canary word: Present
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139,354 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Heya great poem!
I loved the first stanza; it was very funny and had a good lead to make you want to read the rest of the poem. One thing is that in the third line it kind of messes up the rhythm a little bit, because the line is much too long.
In the second stanza, I didn't realize it was switching to a totally different thing at that moment, because day-dreaming is pretty close to distraction in meaning, so it would make much more sense to the reader if you switched the positions of the second and third stanzas so there would be absolutely no confusion.
I like the conversation with attention. It's funny and made me laugh. However, the second-to-last line didn't make much sense, could you clarify a little more there?
Otherwise, great job and keep writing!
I like it and it was so true. What I will say is that my favorite part is the part when the person talks to their daydreams. The beginning with distractions was okay and so was the convo with attention. I'm better at reviewing stories and short stories so I'll try my best to give you an opinion. I'm mainly a fan with poetry that has a sort of present structure and I know it sound unprofessional but I like poems that kind have a rhyme scheme but it doesn't mean your poem is bad. I'm just not a fan, sorry to say. Other than that, it's a good poem.